Are you Connecting or Collecting?

I get a lot of requests to connect, whether on LinkedIn, over email, in person, or by an introduction from a mutual connection. I’m usually willing to invest time in getting to know people, but even I have some boundaries on my time and questions I’ll ask before deciding if someone is worth my investment.

I have a specific LinkedIn strategy that’s helped me make that judgement call. I typically do not accept blind connection requests from people I don’t know on some level, even if we seem to have a bunch of connections in common. But that doesn’t mean I ignore those requests entirely.

If there’s a note included with a request, I’ll respond by thanking them for the invitation to connect and letting them know that I try to at least have a conversation with folks before accepting LinkedIn invitations. I’ll give them a link to my Calendly for a 30-minute Zoom meeting if they’re interested in having that “get to know you” conversation so we can become connected.

This has frequently helped me weed out the people who are just seeking to leverage my network and reputation rather than actually connect with me. You’d be amazed how many people respond with incredibly self-centered and self-absorbed messages, many claiming how busy they are and they couldn’t possibly spare the time for 30 minutes online. Let’s remember, you’re the one reaching out to connect with me, not the other way around!

But, more importantly than weeding out the transactional folks, this process of engaging on social media has helped me create some really wonderful bonds with people I may not have known otherwise. We’re not just seeing each other’s posts on a screen. Instead, we’re actually engaged with one another and supporting each other’s endeavors.

In fact, my first official client for The Connectors came from a friendship forged this way.

Back in 2020 – in the throes of Covid and when most of us were glued to computer screens – I got a LinkedIn request from someone in the UK. I didn’t know her, but she included a short note saying how much she respected my work and would love to connect. I replied with my typical message and offered either a Zoom meeting or an old-fashioned phone call if she was Zoomed out by that point. She responded right away and thanked me both for my message and for recognizing that she might be in Zoom overload. We scheduled a phone call, but at the last minute, she decided that getting to know one another face-to-face (at least virtually) would likely be better for relationship building.

Our 30-minute meeting went more than 90 minutes, and we could have talked all day. We were kindred spirits, and our lives had so many parallels even though we lived an ocean away and had entirely different upbringings. Our perspectives and desires for ourselves and the world around us were completely in sync and we were both thinking about the next big shifts in our lives. We began semi-regular check-ins by Zoom to coach and support each other, and finally met in person more than 2 years later when I was on a business trip in London. By that point, we already had many deep conversations and considered each other friends.

Just after I incorporated The Connectors and before I even got my website up, she asked if she could introduce me to a new connection. She saw an opportunity for me to help a UK company with some of their US-based work and had already mentioned me as a potential resource in her conversations with them. In early January, I had my first conversation with the CEO which was as wonderful as the first conversation with my friend, and as luck would have it, they had an opportunity arise quickly. I did my first project with them just a few weeks after my website and company officially launched.

If I had just clicked “accept” on this woman’s LinkedIn request and didn’t take this time up front to get to know her, I likely would have missed out on this incredible connection and we wouldn’t have given each other the same level of support over the last 4+ years.

I used to say that while some people collect things, I collect people and relationships. And for the most part, that sentiment is true. Except I’ve realized that “collect” has become a transactional word and minimizes the way I feel about each person I bring into my world. I don’t think about people as pieces or things to collect. Rather, I think about the whole of them and how I can uplift and support them. And this approach has brought so much value and a richness to my world with people I might not have encountered otherwise.

So, think about your network for a second. How do you engage with people you don’t know, especially online? Do you get to know them enough that you could share any insights about them with someone else? Or would they be able to share any insights about you? Not every relationship needs to be a deep connection. But just pause for a minute and think about your approach – are you unintentionally making yourself appear transactional or are you setting yourself up for a deep connection down the line?

If you want more insights on cultivating better connections to move your ideas forward, sign up for our Substack at theconnectors.substack.com or drop me a line at hello@theconnectors.net to get in touch with me directly.