When Just Okay is Perfect

I recently led an interactive workshop for Women2Women, a leadership development program for 90 young women aged 15-19 from every corner from the world.

We focused on activating networks, building social capital, and unlocking their superpowers, all with the goal of helping them develop actions plans for creating change in their home communities. Their action plans were focused on addressing some of the critical issues affecting women and girls, such as climate change, mental health, sexual violence, gender and racial equity, and homelessness. To say that these young women are impressive is an understatement. All of them not only identify as changemakers, but have advocates who recognized their leadership qualities and nominated them for the program.

One question I’ve been repeatedly asked by these empowered leaders:

How do I overcome my fear of not being good enough?

These young women, like many of us, are focused on getting other people to believe in their ideas to help them move forward. They need to get the attention and discretionary effort of people who are typically older and more experienced, and are afraid that if they’re not “perfect” in their approach, those people will ignore or dismiss them.

How often have you felt the same way?

It’s easy to think that we need to be completely buttoned up before we connect with someone, but the reality is that none of us are perfect. More importantly, there are some great lessons and innovations that can come from being less than perfect and focusing on your authenticity instead.

Show your humanity to develop great connections

We are more likely to engage with people we feel comfortable with or have an affinity towards. When someone appears to be “perfect,” it can subconsciously make us avoid getting too close for fears of inadequacy. In our quest to put our best foot forward and appear confident, we can inadvertently cultivate a feeling of disconnection and alienate people along the way. To combat this, always remember your reasons for connecting in the first place and stay focused on cultivating the relationship and sharing in a conversation, not pushing your own agenda.

Our ideas come to life when others contribute to them

If everything you say is perfect, then you don’t leave space for others to contribute their thinking and feedback. This makes it harder for your connections to know how they can help. (“If she’s got it all figured out, then why does she need me?”) Other people will have different perspectives and may be able to share new insights or different resources to help you move along. If everything you say is “perfect,” you’ll miss out on potential opportunities to move beyond your blind spots and grow.

Your “average” is someone else’s exceptional

Everyone has moments of imposter syndrome and feeling less than adequate, especially if you’re asking someone for help or pushing outside of your comfort zone. This is particularly true for women and girls, and sadly doesn’t go away as we get older. The good news is that we can cultivate practices that help us move beyond this fear and embrace the uncertainty. One of the most important steps is to remember that you have a unique lived experience and will inherently have different perspectives, skills, and beliefs to contribute to a conversation – no matter how many years you’ve been on the planet. Everyone has expertise to contribute to the world, and your expertise may be revolutionary to someone else. The first step is to remember your “why” and let that shine through in every part of your connection.

Now, let’s be clear, none of this is an excuse to “phone it in” and put minimal effort into forging connections or asking for help. This isn’t about minimizing our responsibilities to be prepared for a conversation with others. But if you stop letting perfect be the enemy of good, you’ll open yourself up to a whole new world of connections and, most likely, innovation to move your idea forward.

If you’d like help learning these skills or making new connections, feel free to reach out at hello@theconnectors.net or sign up for a complimentary consultation to learn more.